“I Tell You Something ah… Don’t be angry ah…”
A ‘Mother’s Day & 69th Birthday’ tribute to Mom
My mom is your typical Asian Mom, almost. While she would fuss over what we are eating and shows her love through her cooking, she does not really put much stress on our education (possibly because my Dad was already doing that).
And like most functioning parent-child relationships out there, the three of us kids have our fair share of disagreements with our Mom over many different things. From whether to eat out or cook at home to how many minutes to soak the fruits before eating them; from a good timing to bathe to what to wear when visiting friends and relatives. Mom has many good opinions about all of these and everything in between. So needless to say, tensions run high at times, be it when we are physically together or virtually through our family group chat. (Hands up if you have a family group chat!)
And she usually likes to prep us before giving us advice. Her prep comes in the form of the titular phrase, “I tell you something ah… Don’t be angry ah…” The three of us have come to recognise that this phrase means that she is going to tell us something that would irritate us to no end. We usually wait with bated breath for the advice that comes next.
“I notice that your helper doesn’t clean the meat properly before cooking it. You must tell her to do this (insert meat-cleaning steps).”
“You know, it’s not good to let children bathe too late at night because they might catch a cold.” “But I bathe them in warm water and I switched off all the fans, so they aren’t cold. That’s ok right?” “Haiya, it’s just not good lah! Listen to old people’s advice.” (Your subsequent response will determine how many more times this advice will be repeated.)
“I tell you, once in a while, it would be good if you can drink some chicken essence to boost your strength. I take (insert the list of supplements she is having) and I feel good!” (Conflicted emotions. Happy for her, but not sure if taking some oddly-named supplements will truly help me.)
Those are just some of the advice that my Mom likes to dispense to us regularly and sometimes, when we aren’t exactly prepared for these advice, we might end up hurting each other with our words. Anyway, one day, when Mom was about to start on another advice, we decided to turn the table back at her and tease her about her “I tell you something ah…”. We took turns to “give advice” by starting it with her classic phrase. At first, I wasn’t sure how she would take it, but Mom being Mom was able to see the funny in the moment and she took it all in stride.
I think that’s what I admire about Mom. She likes to laugh and has no trouble laughing at herself too. In fact, just as there were many advice-giving moments, there were also many moments of her laughing about things in life — her adventures in caring for my Dad who survived stroke, gardening, cooking and baking, her conversations with her friends, relatives and grandchildren. I think her laughter belies a steel-like determination in her, to make everything work out and to make sure everyone in the family is okay.
As for her love for giving advice, I know and am certain that they were all done with love and well-meant intentions. Never doubted that. In fact, I believe that because we are all so far apart from each other, geographically, my Mom doubled up on the advice-giving simply because she wanted to make sure that we know that she loves us. I figured that apart from cooking delicious meals for us, giving advice (be it solicited or not) is another way for her to feel that she is contributing back to our lives.
So Mom, as a tribute to you, we want to tell you something ah… Don’t be angry ah… We want to tell you that we love you, and the following is a compilation of our tribute to you, based on our fond memories of you. May God continue to bless you with good health and fill your days with joy overflowing. In Jesus’ name we pray, Amen.
Daniel
Growing up as a young boy full of energy in different places of Sabah is surely an experience that is different from many other boys’. And there are so many different memories. From when I was 7 - 12 years old, our family had relocated to several places, and I had hopped in-and-out of 3 primary schools (Standard 1 - 2 in Tenom, Std 2 - 5 in Tawau, and finally Std 6 in Jasin - Melaka). Anyway, despite moving around in so many places, the one thing I always looked forward to every day after school or tuition classes, or when Mom visited me and Dad in Jasin was my Mom’s yummy food - she’s a great cook. And that’s why I started picking up an interest in cooking at around 8 years old. I enjoyed helping Mom and my late grandma in the kitchen. If I was not an engineer today, I might have been the cook of a small eatery. Every day after work, she would zoom straight to the kitchen to prepare dinner, and in less than 45 mins, all the dishes would be ready to serve! She’s so fast and the food really tasted delicious. How she does it is just amazing.
I would like to share one of her recipes that I recently got from her, and I really enjoy this dish. The dish is called Kiam-Chai (Preserved Veg) Fish Soup. Here’s the secret recipe for you all to try it out. It is best to have this during cold rainy days; the warm sourish broth will surely warm up the body - truly a comfort food.
Kiam Cai Fish Ingredients:
ikan kembung yellow tail/ikan putih/black pomfret
3 stalks of kiam cai (cut finely)
3 slices of ginger
two cloves of garlic
a bulb of shallot
sliced big chilli (optional)
Method:
Marinate fish with a pinch of salt. 3 tbsp cooking oil. Fry the fish till half cooked. Take it out. Fry the ginger, garlic and shallot. Remove oil and leave a tbsp only in wok. Put kiam cai in and fry it for few minutes. Add in the fish, add a cup of water, put in the tomatoes. Cook for 2 mins, add in a tsp of tapioca starch in a cup of water. Add in a tsp of sugar. Cook until done. Didn’t add salt because kiam cai is salty already and fish was marinated with salt earlier. (Recipe sent to us kids by Mom.)
Esther
~9.30pm Love ~
9.30pm she is fast asleep on the sofa, softly snoring away. A hot water pack on her sore ankle.
He looks at her, turns to me and says, “Mummy is so tired. Time to sleep.” 9.30pm, he is still wide awake. And it will be a few hours before he could really doze off but it doesn’t matter. His wife is tired and he understands.
He wakes her up, she tends to him, together they shuffle slowly to the room.
And just when I thought that the night is over, she calls me from downstairs. “Come, mummy boiled this soup for you. Good for your body. If too heaty, take a teaspoon of manuka honey after that.”“Ok Mummy, thank you Mummy….”
“I forgot to feed your daddy his supplement honey too. He reminded me just now but he told me to give you this soup first.”
The above was posted on my Instagram on 21st June 2014. The sentiment still holds true today. Love you, Mummy.
Ruth
I recall when we were young and when Daddy was still working in Giram Estate, you were always awake before the break of dawn, when the sky was still dark. You would wake us up and ask us to get ready for the trip from Tawau to Giram Estate. I recall how you would always be busy packing the food in the kitchen and there will always be rustling and bustling about from both you and amah. This scene was repeated many times throughout the years… On mornings when Dad had to get up early and we have to send him off to the airport… On mornings in Jasin, Malacca… On mornings when we had to travel to Tuaran for CNY… And when we were in the morning sessions during primary school… So many other occasions. Thank you for all that you’ve done to make our lives comfortable and easy.
She gets up while it is still night;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her female servants.Proverbs 31:15
There is also no lack of your sighs and lament in those scenes. The following conversations are very common indeed:
“I am so tired…I have to do soooo many things...”
“Don’t do laah, why must do?” That was our very teenage-like irresponsible answers to you back then. Sorry for that Mom.
“If I don’t sigh and if I don’t lament, would you all know what has been happening?! You think if I don’t go to the market and buy the food, the fish will clean itself and cook itself and get onto the table itself? The vegetables will appear in the fridge? The kettle will put itself on the stove? The…” I thought that was the best debate which you won hands-down then. Now that I am running a household myself, I understand the load of work there is to do at home! And I understood how exhausted you must have felt back then. But at the end of the day, we are satisfied with the work of our hands when we see our family enjoy the fruit of our labour. And that makes all the difference!
I recall on every trip how you always think for the whole family. You’d pack food for the journey, bring sufficient water, bring sufficient clothing for us, whatever needs that we need at that point in the car, we name it, you have it. Even toileting by the roadside, you showed us how to do that. Haha. And you always remembered to bring a bottle of freshwater for washing whenever we go to the beach. Very smart indeed. And I recall how you had to manage us and bring us to visit Dad wherever he was working back then. It still amazes me how you were able to bring all three young children to the airport, with all the luggages, to travel from Malaysia to Indonesia/ Papua New Guinea/ Bangka Island/ Bali etc.
“When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.”Proverbs 31:21
Thank you for being such a creative and hard-working person. With your pair of lovely hands, you’ve sewn clothes for me and Esther. You bake cakes in your spare time, sew curtains, pillow cases, bedsheets; you did gardening; and even slaughter chickens!!! From both you and amah, I have learnt to be creative and inventive and innovative as well. You’ve taught me that something can be churned out of nothing with a little creativity. Amah has taught me to be creative and resourceful as well (remember how she replaced the cooking ladle handle with rosewood from our very own garden? And how she made a waterproof apron from plastic bags). From both of you, I’ve learnt to appreciate the sense of achievement in not having to spend extra money when we could make it on our own. Thank you for that.
“She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.”Proverbs 31:27
Thank you Mommy for teaching us thriftiness. You are thrifty when it comes to spending, yet you are generous when it comes to blessing others. You buy the best groceries from the market at the best price. You choose the best produce and know who the best sellers are and what they sell. People in the market are drawn in by your friendliness and frankness and I truly envy that quality in you. How you can just talk to some stranger as if you’ve been friends for a long time. And your networking ability is just amazing. Need people to certify documents? You know someone; need a doctor? You know someone; need an electrician? You know someone; need swift code? You know someone. It came close to feeling that there is no one that you don’t know in Tawau and from your amiable qualities, we too are blessed by it.
“She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.”Proverbs 31:13–14
I recall how you brought in a kid who was naked from the street while we were still living at Jalan Banyan Drive. The kid who was barely 3 was crying and you brought him into the house and clothed him. When his mother came looking for him you returned the kid and gently reprimanded his mother for doing such a thing. On many occasions you gave and donated our unworn clothes away to people who needed them more than us. And you also gave generously to the servants in Tawau, in Indonesia, in Penang. Amah said to me on a few occasions on how you have a bad mouth sometimes but you have a heart of gold. Haha.
“She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.”Proverbs 31:20
Thank you Mommy for teaching us about keeping tidy and cleanliness in the home. I know I have been one of the kids who is super good in creating a mess. I recalled those days when Daniel, Esther and I, after having made a big mess in the house, half an hour before your car drives into the car porch, we would get into a cleaning frenzy and made sure everything is in its place just as how you would like it, so that we wouldn’t have to face the music from you when the goddess of cleanliness (that’s you) steps into the house. Hahaha. You would scold me for making a mess in the kitchen, and amah never seem to tire from having to remind us the following
“teh poi lim liao ka ki soi” (wash your own cups after using them)
“zho gang ai wu tao wu be” (finish your the work you’ve started)
“kah qiu ai kin” (work fast)
Believe me, these words ring so often in my ears every now and then especially when I’m living with housemates who do the exact opposite of the above! And I thank God that I was brought up to become a person who is capable of keeping certain space neat (I say certain cause sometimes my table is still a mess~) Most importantly, you’ve made our house a home. We know wherever you are, home is right there.
Thank you also for staying together with Daddy all these years. Although it hasn’t been easy for you, yet we’ve learnt a lot from how you react to the situation. You stayed on, you didn’t run, you forgave again and again, you were hurt and you cried and yet you love again. Thank you for sacrificing for the family and for holding this family together, ensuring that we were all brought up in a complete family.
A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.Honor her for all that her hands have done,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.
Mommy, thank you again for who you are. When I read Proverbs 31, you always come to mind. You have touched our lives in ways more than words could say. Now that we are all grown up, we hope to honour you and give blessings back to you — though it will never measure up to the blessings that you’ve showered us with. We love you very much and may you continue to grow and blossom into the perfect woman whom our perfect heavenly Father has called you to be.
Love, Ruth (written in May 2012 and the sentiment still holds true today)
